Every Moment Has a Hole
If you are new here or have stumbled across this page, welcome. You are probably unfamiliar with our story. At the end of June, our beautiful baby girl Shaundi was born and she was perfect and such a joy! In early September, my husband found her unresponsive and not breathing. Life with in our family with one of our babies gone has been hard. I’m sharing our journey here.
My husband and I recently listened to the Serial podcast from NPR. It was a great series to listen to, it was a devastating story and so easy to jump on one side or another of the case and speak of the characters as if they were just people in a book or a movie. But then there was the end. The mother of the teen who was murdered shared a Korean proverb: “…when parents die, they’re buried in the ground, but when a child dies, you bury the child in your heart. “When I die, when I die my daughter will die with me. As long as I live, my daughter is buried in my heart.”
That’s when you are reminded of the reality of the whole thing, this is real life, this is someone’s story. There’s a family out there who doesn’t have their child anymore. There’s a mom out there that cries for her baby, a sibling who is fearful and confused, a dad who hurts. It’s sad.
And that proverb? It’s so true? It’s the truest truth I’ve heard in the past year and half since my little girl died. She’s still here. She’s still in my heart, buried. Sometimes people don’t remember or even know what has happened to us, but I can guarantee you that I know. I can’t stop knowing. She’s here. When I die, only then will she be laid to rest.
For now, she’s not really here, but that’s the problem.
Every moment has a hole in it, every photo has empty space that should be filled, every celebration has missing laughter, every bedtime has one less hug and kiss, every table has a missing chair, every car ride has a missing car seat, every song has a missing singer and every dance has a missing dancer.
“When parents die, they’re buried in the ground, but when a child dies, you bury the child in your heart.”