Training is a hard thing. It’s not really the act of running or walking or exercising that is difficult. It’s making myself do it. It’s the abstaining from the people, events, things that keep me from my goals.

Right now I’m really struggling and I have a million excuses. Maybe even two million. It’s not that I don’t have a reason to do this, I want to cross the finish line (I will), I want to push myself on race day (no problem), I want to have fun.

It’s not that I don’t know how to train for a 5K, I’ve finished a half marathon. It’s not that I don’t know how to abstain from the things that are bad for me, it’s pretty easy in some departments because I’m pregnant. However, in other departments, I can’t abstain. I want to eat things that make me feel good…you know, because I’m pregnant. I want to stay in bed and watch Scandal or Nashville instead of doing my fast-walk-pretend-I’m-running routine.

The longer I write this journal entry, the more excuses I can share with you. Don’t worry, it’s not that I’m making up more, I’m just able to get them all out on paper. My life isn’t the way I pictured it a year ago, I’m not in the place I thought I would be. I thought for sure I’d be busy chasing around three babies, having just had my heart surgery in November I’d be raring and ready to shed off the rest of this baby weight from being pregnant 3 times in just under four years. Instead, I’ve suffered the terrible loss of my third child and the depression that goes along with it, I’ve spent so many days indoors for fear of seeing “those people” who spread terrible lies about me and my family and finally, I’m pregnant again and just fresh out of my first trimester…I’m not really raring to do ANYTHING.

Don’t give me sympathy, don’t tell me it’s okay and that it’s normal. Or, if you do, tell me to get moving. Invite me for a walk. Tell me about your successes. That’s what I want.


This is part two in a series about my journey to the Finish Line at the 500 Festival 5k. McDonald’s of Central Indiana has provided benefits, including free OneAmerica 500 Festival Mini-Marathon or McDsIndyMom_FINFinish Line 500 Festival 5K registration, an Arch Card, a t-shirt and giveaway products in exchange for my participation in this campaign.