It’s Sunday, February 19th. Just another day of the week, for some it’s a weekend, for others it’s a workday. Twelve years ago it was a day of tragedy for our family. My fifteen year old brother (who was less than two weeks from his sixteenth birthday, the one he so longed for because of the freedom and privilege it meant to so many American teens) was killed in a car accident. He was the passenger in a vehicle driven by his very good friend and of three, he was the only one who didn’t survive.

While February 19th, 2000 was a poignant day in our lives, it hasn’t been the worst. The worst have been the days that followed, the 24 hour spans of time that we haven’t seen him, haven’t laughed with him, haven’t celebrated with him, haven’t grown with him, haven’t had him in our lives or watched as his life evolved into adulthood. There are no mysteries about his future, no challenges to help him overcome, no brotherly talks, no uncle Jimmy for my babies, no brother in-law for my husband to know and no complete family times.

As a Christian, I know that he is with God, I know that he is well but even now, none of this erases my yearning to rewrite that chapter of all of our lives. His final chapter but simply a well read, revisited, highlighted and bookmarked chapter in my life.